Being a woman in the indie music world: a conversation with Joem

In my wonderful journey interviewing indie musicians from all over the world, I noticed that a lot of female musicians complained about the difficulties of being a woman in the music industry and some of them pointed out the low number of female indie musicians who can break as professional musicians. Those difficulties have different causes, from the sexualization and harassment issues to the struggle to have their music taken seriously and be part of a band, for example. Also the fact that not-so-young women - who still would have a lot to say with their music - are mostly ignored. These issues add up to the general difficulties that every indie musician faces every day, man or woman. Nevertheless, I'm positive that the trend is slowly changing as recently I'm watching several talented women taking their way to success in the indie music scene. Also the increasing number of female independent artists submitting their music to my page gives me hope for the future. I can't wait to showcase on my page all the wonderful, crazy talented, incredible women I meet in my journey through indie music scene! Music, as art in general, is by definition an open space for everyone to express themselves, a space where male and female voices can donate to the world their unique talent and emotions. 

The problems that women face, and not only in the music industry, are under our eyes every day so this article doesn't aim to point out something that everyone knows. Instead, I'd like to give some suggestions to reflect on how women can cope with that, finding their own feminine path. I think that women are naturally different creatures from men, so I don't like the use of verbs like "fight" and "compete" to be like them, or other aggressive feelings that have been often used talking about this topic. Also, I think that our worst enemies are often other women, so our self-empowerment should always start in our own mindset and our hearts from a compassionate place - and not in an aggressive way.

Thus, I chatted about all these topics with Joem, a musician from Finland who, aside singing, writing songs, playing saxophone, working part-time as life auxiliary and teaching finnish online, also struggles with chronic nerve pain. Joem hosts The Vibrant Flow Podcast, a podcast about female empowerment and feminine flow, that aims to help women understand their own nature and design as feminine beings, and how to follow their feminine path. Joem says: "The Vibrant Flow Podcast is a femininity self-growth podcast. As a high-achieving, type-A woman I've come to realize that I've been operating from my masculine energy most of my life. This has also been partly the reason why the pain started in my body: I've been pushing too hard for too long. So, with this podcast, I'm learning to stay more in the feminine energy: the softer, more nurturing, grounded, sensual, and naturally creative side in us. This podcast is for women who are interested in cultivating their femininity in a masculine world. Of course, we also need 'masculine' structure and frame so as not to be chaotic, but many women have learned to toughen up too much for their own good".

Being a female musician, do you feel more difficulties in the music industry? How are you coping with that?

"First thing that comes to mind is how women may often face belittling attitudes due to being female. But to be honest, I've had mostly positive experiences in this regard and people (usually) took me seriously even as a saxophone player. Of course, you need to work hard if you wish to compete with male musicians. That competition was something I grew tired of. 

As a singer, I know many instrumentalists assume that singing is easy and not even in the same category as playing an instrument. I know this because I was like that: I looked down upon singers when I was a saxophonist, but for me personally, it was jealousy as I wanted to sing myself, too"

Which mindset do you think could help female musicians nowadays? Any tips for them?

"If you get sucked into the relentless competition, it will most likely burn you out. That's what I experienced, at least, but it depends on your personality type, too. I would caution against trying to prove your worth by competing. Competition itself isn't always bad, but it can turn toxic, especially for women. Attaching your own worth to how good you are as a musician is harmful, too. Self-empowerment really comes from deep healing and understanding that you cannot earn your worth or value. 

Another important point is: what is your message as a musician/artist? Are your motivations pure? Are you trying to get others' acceptance and approval, or are you creating music out of pure joy and because it flows out of you without expecting something in return? What is your mission as an artist/musician? What kind of energy do you want to bring into any room you walk into?" 

Let's talk about "women supporting women": a musician I interviewed complained about hate and competition among women in the music environment.

"I can definitely understand this issue, as I've experienced it myself many times. I've also been that girl who is jealous or insecure among other women in a music environment. We have to understand that this all comes back to our own insecurity: women feel insecure, unsafe, and not confident in themselves and then project that to other women. Add to this the fact that women feel like we compete against others, that we need to "prove" ourselves to men, and we have a lot of pressure as a result. 

Hate and competition among women in the music industry can only be resolved once women find security in themselves - not from other people. A woman who unconsciously or consciously believes that she has to fight to get what she wants and that she's always competing against others will always experience just that. A woman who has done the inner work with herself - healing trauma, emotional wounds, insecurity, and self-esteem issues - and understands her true worth and unique skills - does not experience the same hate and competition among women. Others will always reflect your own patterns to you.

When women feel like there's enough for everyone and that we are all uniquely gifted and destined for different creative expressions, then we can truly support each other without jealousy or resentment. "Women supporting women" should be like that: sincere and empowering as a movement.
I've personally found that when I started to understand femininity and our nature as women, my confidence started to grow. The fact that so many women don't understand their own femininity is causing a lot of mistrust among women. In many workplaces (including music biz), women take on masculine roles and lose touch with their feminine essence, which leads to jealousy, mistrust, and resentment. Princesses compete, queens collaborate" 

The same musician talked about how women musicians never know if whoever wants to work with them is doing it for the right reasons or not. Have you ever received undesired attention?

"It is true that the music industry has long been male-dominated. Experienced mentors have told me to be careful when someone (usually a male) offers something for free, for example, as they may have ulterior motives. It is a fact that women need to be careful and wise when dealing with people in the industry. Sadly, there are still people who take advantage of naive girls/women, but it doesn't have to be you. It's a good rule to remember that nothing comes for free and there's usually a price for everything - sometimes it's just not clear in the beginning. Boundaries are so so important, even in this respect: we have to make it clear what we're available for and what we're not available for. 

Fortunately, I personally have not experienced a lot of undesired attention, except maybe on social media, but I've also been active in small circles and I'm not inside record labels or anything, so that may be the reason"

About what you said in an episode of your podcast, I'd love for you to talk about women being cyclic creatures that fight against a masculine society that doesn't understand it. How did you cope with health issues when your body had a breakdown because of that? I think that even if it's not a music-related topic, it could be interesting for the women reading.

"I talk about feminine flow on my podcast a lot. After years of being stuck in my push-push-push patterns and constant output mode, I'd had enough of that. Now as I'm healing from chronic neuropathic pain, I've realized more and more how that forceful push and those 'masculine' ways of operating were causing me pain. Femininity has to do with the ways we can be receptive, relaxed, emotional, and intuitive. These are complementary features and skills to those that are more masculine in nature: goal-oriented doing, achieving, being logical, and cerebral. Women today, both in music and otherwise, have lost the connection to their femininity, and thus suffer periodical burn-outs, hormonal issues, chronic pain, dating issues, etc.

Feminine flow is the state of being in harmony with your whole being as a feminine essence woman: you are tuned to your hormonal cycle, you understand your cyclical nature and how our needs shift throughout the cycle, and you know that creativity requires letting go of the pushing. When you're in the flow, you no longer fight your nature or force yourself to be a machine - instead, you work with your body, mind, soul, honoring the fact that you are not like men who do not have a 28-day cycle with 4 seasons.
The world operates on masculine paradigms, and we're used to having to push and be "on" all the time, but this is not how cyclical beings work. I don't really focus on having to "fight" the world in any sense of the word - in fact, using that word usually brings more resistance. What I do focus on is how I can create a reality for myself that supports my cyclical nature, my emotional and physical health, and my creativity. We all can learn to do that, little by little. This means for example that I plan my calendar: when I bleed, I rest more, and I try not to agree to any social engagements during my period.
If you've experienced a health breakdown or depression after going against your cyclical nature for years, don't blame yourself for it - guilt does not help you in any way. It's important to understand that getting well may take time - be patient with yourself. Stop feeding yourself ideas and social media posts that only speak about "pushing" more. I stopped that last year and it helped me to focus on healing rather than my fear of missing out.
Remember also that your body wants to get well, and it also knows how to get well. Sometimes it just takes time to unravel, uncover and unlearn all the thought/action patterns that created so much tension, pain, and disharmony. Your body is wise. Once you start studying it and tuning in, it will reveal a lot. This all helps in being more creative, too: I've had more and more creative ideas as I've learned to support my feminine flow"

Thank you Joem for this interesting conversation and for sharing your experience with us! This topic can be seen from different point of views and I loved your contribute. I hope that some of the women, musicians or not, that will read this article will find some tips to think about.

If you liked this article I'd love if you'll contact me through Instagram or e-mail to let me know what you think about this topic, it would be amazing to expand the conversation!

Instagram: @joemmusic

Linktree: Joem Music