My Christmas Music

Christmas. Christmas has always had a wonderful and special meaning to me, especially during childhood and teen years. In particular, there is a thing that made, and still makes, December a special month for me: the Christmas Music.

While in USA the holiday season starts after Thanksgiving, here in Italy it starts with the holiday of December 8th (L'Immacolata). Nowadays we are more influenced by globalization so you can see decorations, Black Fridays, and Christmas shopping even in November, but when I was a little girl (early 90s) it was like a ritual. On December 8th, we made the Christmas tree and decorated the whole house. AND it was the day since we started to listen to Chistmas Music on repeat until the end of the year! 

When I was in elementary school, my mum had only one old Bing Crosby cassette tape. We used to put it in the music stereo and listen to it every day in the late afternoon, when it started to be dark outside and the lights of the decorations shined in the whole house. When I finished the school homeworks, I used to make all the decorations by myself, drawing, colouring and cropping tons of colored cards while Bing Crosby was singing all the traditional Christmas Carols. My parents had a local corner shop right under our house and my mum had to stay the whole day there helping my father. My big sister and I were alone in the house and she usually had to study, so I remember spending entire afternoons at the window - always with that old cassette playing - watching my parents working in the shop and feeling near them even if we were a little far (when you're a kid and your parents aren't there with you, you always feel like they are incredibly far).

My favorite songs of the cassette tape were Silver Bells, Santa Claus is comin' to town, Christmas in Killarney and Mele Kalikimaka. I clearly remember an afternoon, when my mum and I were alone in the house (I was around 6 years old). We were in the dark, listening to Adeste Fideles, only the Christmas tree was lighted. I loved the lyric background voices so much that I asked to my mum: "Mum, are they angels singing?" and she answered "Of course!". So I continued to believe that Adeste Fideles was sung by Bing Crosby AND a chorus of angels for the next few years.

During high school years I started to suffer for bullism and other stuff, so Holidays and Christmas Music were always a refuge from the outside. We bought tons of Christmas CDs, so that Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Louis Armstrong, latinos traditional songs (Feliz Navidad!) and then of course George Michael, Mariah Carey and Michael Bublé started to fill the air of our house on Holiday season. During University I fell in love with country music and my Christmases were full of George Straits and Alan Jackson music. All this love for "old" music wasn't shared with my friends as they barely knew who those singers were, so it was always like a "secret garden" for my heart.

Then I entered adulthood, an office job started to stress me so much that I developed chronic health issues, family problems multiplied and many Christmases started not to be so happy for a reason or another. I slowly began to lose all the meaning of it. I reached the lowest point when I left my job to try to take care of my health, and I found the courage to breakup and move on - with my strenght alone - from a wrong relationship. I completely lost the happiness of Holidays, and Christmas music sounded so empty and weak compared to the dark I felt in my heart. I spent months without listening to music at all. 

But music was there, waiting for me. I discovered a completely new community of indie musicians from abroad, who write songs and play music just to put their emotions in the world. I started to relate to their lyrics. Talking with them opened me a new window outside the emptiness of the people I used to talk with. I finally found someone like-minded, to relate to. Finally music found its way to my heart again, and the Christmas music with it. 

Now things are not like they used to be anymore. The corner shop of my parents is almost empty "thanks" to online shopping, the whole world is still fighting a pandemic, we all are facing problems that are more difficult every day BUT the music is there. Waiting for us to allow her to heal our wounds.

So, this is for you. Maybe this Holiday season is not happy as you wished. Maybe you don't feel a single gram of Chrismas spirit inside you. Maybe you are even annoyed by all the Holiday stuff, or you are facing the toughest time of your life and Christmas has no meaning for you. It's OK. Allow yourself to feel this. Give to your feelings a break. Just know that whatever means serenity for you is there, waiting for you to rise up again, HELPING you to rise up again. 

So, if you are still here after all my English mistakes and the resume of my entire life, congratulations and thank you! You win a sincere Happy Holidays from the bottom of my heart! May they be wonderful for you and your loved ones. But moreover, may you find peace in your heart.

I hope you enjoyed listening to "my" Christmas Music

Laura